I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
