Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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