I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
