My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
