Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
