Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
