my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
