Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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