He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
