Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
