Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
