Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
