Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
