I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
