Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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