shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
