shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
