well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
