Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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