At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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