Your face is a jimmy john
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
