Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
