Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
