if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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