There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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