His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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