No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This baby is an asshole
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
