singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
