Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
