How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
