A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
