God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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