The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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