Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
