Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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