I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
