I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
