Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
