you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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