Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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