i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize