I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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