Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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