I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
