walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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