Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
