we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
