How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
