This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
