I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I could fuck to npr.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
