matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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