theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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