I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
