I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
