He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
