haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
