Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
