I puked a lego.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
