I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
