if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
