He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if only i could text you this smell
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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