I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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