he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize