you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize