i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
