Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
