Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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