I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize