sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
