bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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