You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
