I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
