trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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