Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
