Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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